brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
