Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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