Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
