After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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