I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
