It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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