big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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