When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
