Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
