Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
