My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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