Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
