That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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