also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
