Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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