I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
