I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think i peed on brittanys purse
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
