Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I love you. Go after that dick
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