Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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