Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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