matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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