My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize