Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
