I think im going to throw up on grandma
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
