i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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