Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
