just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
