On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
