haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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