I got chris browned last night
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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