I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
