i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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