At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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