woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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