You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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