can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
