I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
