I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
