wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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