just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
