I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
