I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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