I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Alive.
So much puke
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
