he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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