Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
