Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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