the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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