he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
