This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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