I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Found the puke drawer
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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