my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize