I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
