i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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