Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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