so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
