What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
