i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
