I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
