I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
