he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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