absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
