i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i've created a new STD.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
