R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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