Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
