awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
