I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
